Archive for May 2009
Distance and Desperation
This moment of time a week ago, I was drowning in self-pity – work would officially begin the following morning, and convocation would be less than 24 hours away. I just couldn’t seem to put everything into perspective, and besides, the future (the next three years) didn’t excite me at all. It was just awfully selfish and pessimistic to be honest. I totally ignored the fact that I am rather fortunate – A job pretty much guaranteed for 36-months (at least), a decent place to stay, enough to eat, and a loving family despite being a good 500 miles away…
So, Monday it was and the journey began… along with my struggle to accept reality: being posted to an “alien” department was no consolation – my expectations were shot down and they didn’t just fall to the ground, they buried themselves. “God surely has a purpose there for me!”, I thought to myself but still, I wasn’t willing to believe that. I wanted some form of justification, I was rationalizing. It’s ironic that my previous post was about being patient and trusting Him in everything and here I am forgetting all of that in just a few days. It’s ironic how I managed to pose an argument weeks ago on how we can never define God by logic and here I am, trying to make sense of His ways.
Either way, convocation was next and I wasn’t the happiest graduate – I barely clapped, I completely ignored the pledge, I wore smiles for photograph sessions… To make matters worse, my family would be leaving for home and I would be stuck behind in misery. Everything just felt out of place. What remained of the week wasn’t much better though – It was still head versus heart, fantasy versus reality… I so wanted to see that the glass was half full but I couldn’t.
Fast-forwarding to Sunday, it was a lifesaver, literally… A slap in the face. Since the whole episode began, I earnestly sought for direction and reassurance, but my Sunday experience was just phenomenal! The speaker read from Isaiah 40: 28-31…
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Deep down inside, I knew that God wanted to get His message across and I began trembling almost immediately as tears began streaming down my face… I was having a “high-low” moment – High from my discovery and my answered prayer, low from not being able to trust Him as my Creator.
Anyway, that’s all for now. It has been another lengthy one and besides boring you, I hope it encourages you as well! I do have a fair bit more to share but I feel that this isn’t the best time. So til then, have a brilliant week alright! Over and out. (;
In Security…
Dearest blog,
I’m awfully, awfully sorry to have neglected you for the past few weeks or so. I know that it hasn’t been the busiest time but so much has been happening in recent weeks that I do get a little confused whenever I plan to share how things are with you. But still, I hope that this would suffice… (:
Okay, where do I begin… Oh! You know, I made a trip back to Singapore about two weeks back to get my employment pass done and to move to a new place (Yes, again). I touched down at about six p.m. and I had pre-arranged to move some stuff over at about nine. Anyway, things weren’t going well, not at all. In fact, I was on the verge of going mental. Firstly, I received a couple of smses that weren’t the least encouraging. Apparently, we were shortchanged of over a thousand bucks despite being told otherwise.
Secondly, while I was rushing to get all my packing done within two hours, I realized that I lost my only set of house keys! Frantically, I began turning my unpacked stuff upside down, and unpacking my packed stuff inside out, all to no avail. I was distraught. It wasn’t just a set of keys. It meant not being able to leave the place for as long as I remained locked in, it meant not being able to move to the new place. Well, to cut the long story short, I managed to get them back – I had left them in the keyhole on the way in. Yeah, laugh all you want but these kinda things do happen I guess… It’s just rather unfortunate that it had to happen on an extremely busy day. But then again, things like these wouldn’t happen if I had time to spare would it? Either way, I guess that experience taught me alot. Nothing about house keys and absent-mindedness though. I figured that patience and trust were the real deals here. You see, it’s in times like these where we usually try to be in control over everything, it’s in times like these where we are focused on the problem, not the solution (or even potential solutions)… But it’s in times like these as well, where we begin to ask God for peace and for divine intervention. After that, patience and trust is pretty much all up to us isn’t it?
Oh! Talking about trust, you know, something rather absurd happened just recently… Well, I’m pretty sure that you do know about that swine flu “pandemic” don’t you? And I’m certain that you are aware that my graduation ceremony is going to be held this coming Monday as well, right? Anyway, two days ago, I received news that the ceremony would be postponed until further notice. I shan’t get into the reasons behind that major decision – I believe that it’s partially sensible and partially stupid, though I figure that you have already found the link between sick, cute pigs and the why they’ve decided to do away with such events for the time being. Well, it was a series of unfortunate events, really. We had plans to go down from the weekend, we had hotel rooms booked, et cetera… Nonetheless, in the past 12 hours or so, it has all been overturned. Thank goodness that the organizers have finally come to their senses!
Okay. I really should stop here. It’s been a long one and I bet you have more interesting things to do. I’ll write again soon alright! Take care and love much! (:
