Distance and Desperation
This moment of time a week ago, I was drowning in self-pity – work would officially begin the following morning, and convocation would be less than 24 hours away. I just couldn’t seem to put everything into perspective, and besides, the future (the next three years) didn’t excite me at all. It was just awfully selfish and pessimistic to be honest. I totally ignored the fact that I am rather fortunate – A job pretty much guaranteed for 36-months (at least), a decent place to stay, enough to eat, and a loving family despite being a good 500 miles away…
So, Monday it was and the journey began… along with my struggle to accept reality: being posted to an “alien” department was no consolation – my expectations were shot down and they didn’t just fall to the ground, they buried themselves. “God surely has a purpose there for me!”, I thought to myself but still, I wasn’t willing to believe that. I wanted some form of justification, I was rationalizing. It’s ironic that my previous post was about being patient and trusting Him in everything and here I am forgetting all of that in just a few days. It’s ironic how I managed to pose an argument weeks ago on how we can never define God by logic and here I am, trying to make sense of His ways.
Either way, convocation was next and I wasn’t the happiest graduate – I barely clapped, I completely ignored the pledge, I wore smiles for photograph sessions… To make matters worse, my family would be leaving for home and I would be stuck behind in misery. Everything just felt out of place. What remained of the week wasn’t much better though – It was still head versus heart, fantasy versus reality… I so wanted to see that the glass was half full but I couldn’t.
Fast-forwarding to Sunday, it was a lifesaver, literally… A slap in the face. Since the whole episode began, I earnestly sought for direction and reassurance, but my Sunday experience was just phenomenal! The speaker read from Isaiah 40: 28-31…
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Deep down inside, I knew that God wanted to get His message across and I began trembling almost immediately as tears began streaming down my face… I was having a “high-low” moment – High from my discovery and my answered prayer, low from not being able to trust Him as my Creator.
Anyway, that’s all for now. It has been another lengthy one and besides boring you, I hope it encourages you as well! I do have a fair bit more to share but I feel that this isn’t the best time. So til then, have a brilliant week alright! Over and out. (;
